Because I Said So

You know how some words are so much fun to say that they almost taste good? As I mentioned before, Em's a big fan of "marmalade." I prefer marmalade's first cousin "marshmallow," along with "levitate" and "wheedle" (which might not be a real word, but it's part of my family's vocabulary...that's another post).

Well, when you have kids, some phrases are just as fun: "Let's go have ice cream," "You're staying at Grandma's all weekend," and "It's a beautiful day; go play outside" all come to mind. Others, though, are not quite as attractive. You know, the ones you have to say because you are a parent..."Stop hitting your sister," "Yes, you have to eat that," "How long can it possibly take to poop?" and, of course, "Because I said so."

Like 99 percent of the parents on the planet, I too, swore at my mom (sorry, Mom) under my breath when she would say those words. What a stupid thing to say, I thought. I will never say those words to my kid. Ever. Yeah, right.

I am most likely to say those words when I am asleep. Matt is always asking me "why?" in the middle of the night. (Seriously??? You want to know why NOW?) I have no patience for anything in the middle of the night (how did I ever get through the first year of motherhood? I have no idea), least of all explaining why. Our conversations go like this:

"Mom, I had a bad dream."
"Uhggg."
"Momma, momma. I had a bad dream."
"It's okay. Go back to bed."
"I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"My BAD dream."
"Go back to bed."
"But momma, I'm scared."
"It's okay. Now go."
"Can I sleep with you?"
"Absolutely not. Go."
"Why, Mom?"
"Go."
"But momma, why?"
"Because I said so."
And he's gone.

Now, you might think I'm a horrible person because I'm not more loving at 3 a.m., but in my defense, this does happen on a regular basis, and this is a tearless conversation (how scared could he be, right?). Also, my husband is lying next to me with ear plugs in JUST SO he can't hear the conversation. Compared to him, I'm a saint...right?

I'm trying to think of a replacement phrase, something I can say instead of "because I said so." Somehow, "If you keep doing that, your face will stick that way" just doesn't seem as satisfying. Or as effective.