On Tuesday Matt and I came home to find a baby squirrel in the clutches of Fern, our dog. Amid much screaming and wresting, we managed to get the squirrel away from her. He was bleeding through the nose...it didn't look good. Still, we brought him inside and gave him some water and a blanket to lay on. He struggled all day. In the afternoon, I picked him up and looked into his eyes, and I could tell with near certainty that this was the end. I wonder how we know when a person or animal is going to die? It has happened to me before. I look into the eyes and see a lack. I think a lack of resolve to fight. It's that point when a person (or an animal) has had enough and surrenders. It breaks my heart.
Where is his mamma now? Does she know or care that her baby is gone? It seems a little silly to worry about a squirrel, but I can't help but think that she's somewhere right this moment, mourning the loss of her baby.
My cousin died last weekend, and mom and I headed to the funeral yesterday. This may seem like a ridiculous sentence, but funerals are not fun. In addition to reminding us that a loved one has died, they usually remind us of our own mortality. And how we are going to hell if we don't shape up soon. Call me crazy, but the last thing I need to hear when I'm feeling sad about losing someone is how I had better get my act together.
My cousin's mom passed away a few years ago, and at the funeral, I couldn't help but think that she was lucky not to have to sit with my uncle and mourn the loss of her only son. It was devastating to watch my uncle... he lost his wife, then his sister, and now his son in a matter of a few years. How is a person supposed to hold up to that? I wish there were a way to re-distribute grief, to take it from someone who has too much and to suffer for them so that life becomes more bearable.
If only life were that easy.
2 comments:
Hi Jill,
I am sorry to hear about the baby squirrel. We feed squirrels every morning and have bonded with them (Almond, Squeakers, and the gang), so I can identify with the grief.
I wanted to email you this link, but I no longer have it so here you are:
http://www.groveatlantic.com/grove/bin/wc.dll?groveproc~genauth~1647~5409~misc2
Leif's new book is out and doing very well...I just got one in the mail for my birthday.
Lucinda
Thanks for the link! Hope everything is going well with you. I'm looking forward to reading Enger's new book; it's on my summer list.
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